Mated or Matched?

Men

Does God really care which woman I choose to marry?

“I will write to you . . . just as I would write to my son. . . . Let it become the ruling purpose of your heart to grow to a complete man in Christ Jesus. In Christ you can do valiantly; without Christ you can do nothing as you should. . . . Christ has purchased you with a price that is infinite. You are His property, and in all your plans you must take this into account. Especially in your marriage relations, be careful to get one who will stand shoulder to shoulder with you in spiritual growth.”

How will I know she is the one?

“Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom they think to unite their life destiny. Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honor God. Marriage affects the afterlife both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make no plans that God cannot approve.

“If you are blessed with God-fearing parents, seek counsel of them. Open to them your hopes and plans, learn the lessons which their life experiences have taught, and you will be saved many a heartache. Above all, make Christ your counselor. Study His Word with prayer. . . .

“Let a young man seek one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of life’s burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make him happy in her love.”

This sounds like it’s going
to take a long time.

“Few have correct views of the marriage relation. Many seem to think that it is the attainment of perfect bliss; but if they could know one quarter of the heartaches of men and women that are bound by the marriage vow in chains that they cannot and dare not break, they would not be surprised that I trace these lines. . . . There are thousands that are mated but not matched. . . . This is why I would warn the young who are of a marriageable age to make haste slowly in the choice of a companion.”

Now I’m worried.
How should I prepare?

“Before assuming the responsibilities involved in marriage, young men and young women should have such an experience in practical life as will prepare them for its duties and its burdens.”

“A relation so important as marriage and so far-reaching in its results should not be entered upon hastily, without sufficient preparation, and before the mental and physical powers are well developed.”

“Angels are watching this struggle. I leave you with this matter to consider and decide for yourself.”

Women

Does God really care which
man I choose to marry?

“If men and women are in the habit of praying twice a day before they contemplate marriage, they should pray four times a day when such a step is anticipated. Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life, both in this world and in the world to come. . . . We are not to please ourselves, for Christ pleased not Himself. I would not be understood to mean that anyone is to marry one whom [she] does not love. This would be sin. But fancy and the emotional nature must not be allowed to lead on to ruin.”

How will I know he’s the one?

“Before giving her hand in marriage, every woman should inquire whether he with whom she is about to unite her destiny is worthy. What has been his past record? Is his life pure? Is the love which he expresses of a noble, elevated character, or is it a mere emotional fondness? Has he the traits of character that will make her happy? Can she find true peace and joy in his affection? Will she be allowed to preserve her individuality, or must her judgment and conscience be surrendered to the control of her husband? As a disciple of Christ, she is not her own; she has been bought with a price.”

“Let a young woman accept as a life companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and honest, one who loves and fears God.”

This sounds like it’s going
to take a long time.

“Love is a plant of heavenly origin. It is not unreasonable; it is not blind. It is pure and holy. But the passion of the natural heart is another thing altogether. While pure love will take God into all its plans, and will be in perfect harmony with the Spirit of God, passion will be headstrong, rash, unreasonable, defiant of all restraint, and will make the object of its choice an idol.”

“Marriages that are impulsive and selfishly planned generally do not result well but often turn out miserable failures.”

Now I’m worried.
How do I prepare?

“The heart yearns for human love, but this love is not strong enough, or pure enough, or precious enough, to supply the place of the love of Jesus. Only in her Savior can the wife find wisdom, strength, and grace to meet the cares, responsibilities, and sorrows of life. She should make Him her strength and her guide. Let [a] woman give herself to Christ before giving herself to any earthly friend, and enter into no relation which shall conflict with this. Those who find true happiness must have the blessing of Heaven upon all that they possess and all that they do.”

“Take God and your God-fearing parents into your counsel, young friends. Pray over the matter. Weigh every sentiment, and watch every development of character in the one with whom you think to link your life destiny. The step you are about to take is one of the most important in your life, and should not be taken hastily. While you may love, do not love blindly.

“Examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy, or inharmonious and wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will this union help me heavenward? will it increase my love for God? and will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life? If these reflections present no drawback, then in the fear of God move forward.”

*Excerpted from Messages to Young People (Nashville: Southern Pub. Assn., 1930), pp. 435-460; The Adventist Home (Nashville: Southern Pub. Assn., 1952), p. 44; and Letters to Young Lovers (Nampa, Idaho: Pacific Press Pub. Assn., 1983), pp. 19-22. Some paragraphs are arranged to create a conversational tone. No words were added to the original text. Seventh-day Adventists believe that Ellen G. White (1827-1915) exercised the biblical gift of prophecy during more than 70 years of public ministry.